shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
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