She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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