Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
