Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
