we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
