My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
My pussy is not your playground.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
