I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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