I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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