If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
