I wish I could teleport
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
