In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
