I hate your face
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
