watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
