just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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