What a fucking waste of an outfit
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize