You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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