I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Every concussion has its silver lining
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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