those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
