Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
