I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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