I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
