i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
