Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
