She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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