you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
