I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize