u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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