please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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