did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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