also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
