so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
