I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
