Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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