i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
