HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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