i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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