eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
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