Everything about him screamed your future.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
That accounts for only three of the penises
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
