I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
