You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
