I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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