got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
