Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i will never coherently bang her
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
