If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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