Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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