She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
