I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I feel like abortions should bother me more
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
