he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
