i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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