Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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