I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
