Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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