His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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