Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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