At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
