Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Can I color on your dick again?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
the liver wants what the liver wants
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
