i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize