I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
