Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
