the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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