Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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