He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
