They should really pass out barf bags in church
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
pray to the hookup gods
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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