My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
